So, Thursday brought another 13.5 hours of trying to help people with Anorexia eat. Over the last few weeks, I’ve been developing a ‘toolkit’ for patients, a workbook containing: guidelines, relaxation techniques, distraction techniques and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy methods to aid patients in their recover. It entailed a lot of work…at a computer. I am a nurse therapist, I am meant to talk to people, working at a computer isn’t what I signed up for (she types…at a computer). Anyway, Thursday was my Friday and this usually brings with it intense Joy and Excitement. However, I was bored, fed up and feeling ‘meh’. I felt exactly the same about the run. I didn’t even have the usual “I really don’t want to do this” thoughts. I was just resigned to the fact, that I was doing it. I was feeling “meh” about it all. It’s occurred to me that training has brought about not even feelings of despair, desperation, excitement or anxiety anymore, but hardly any feelings at all. Off we went on our 5k run. It was meant to be a pace run, same route…as ever. Round and round we go. Run. Run. Run. Run. Same surroundings, same route, same swans who have yet to have baby swans and I’m thinking they must be a same sex couple because it’s been fucking ages!
5k done. I had no thoughts of “yay, I feel so much better for doing that” or “whoo hoo remember when I couldn’t run for 5 minutes”. I was just like “just ran 5k, meh”
It appears, that on some occasions, negative thoughts can help you see and feel the positive in a situation!
So, I need to dread the runs in order to feel good about them! Yay. Didn’t need to focus so hard on that come Saturday…
Saturday’s Run – The Long Run – 14k
Ohhhh, shit, 14k. And not just any 14K, 14k in this kinda shit:
Yup, not only was it RAINING FUCKING SIDEWAYS, and blowing a gale, it was damn hot! So, I couldn’t wear my hat…head too hot. Couldn’t wear my coat, too damn hot! And the running belt…?
Filled with power aid to power me through the run, however, the damn thing kept moving so that the tops of the bottles kept hitting my elbow, now, many of you may not have experienced this, but trust me, this is quite possibly the most irritating thing to ever happen to anyone ever. So I kept pushing it down but, due to my extensive derrière, the damn think kept bouncing up! So, that was the second most annoying thing to ever happen to anyone ever!
We were also doing the route from our first ever 10k race from last September, very scenic it is. When we did the race the course description said it was “relatively flat”, this was a lie. So much so, that at the top of ‘the hill’ they had a kid in a kings costume, holding a sign saying “king of hill”, sat there, grinning his evil ass grin. Could I run up that hill? No, no I couldn’t. But here I was now, half way through training for a half marathon, and here was that hill again, could I run up it now?
No, no I couldn’t. Stoopid ass hill, had to walk it, this was my first walk of the run! Kept on going though, through rain and wind and heat and pain. Pain in my thighs, knees, then I needed the toilet, then I was cold, then I was too hot, then I was tired, then I wanted to die. Husband kept on speaking to me and asking me questions…
“I AM TRYING TO FUCKING RUN! SHUT UP! IF I WANT MY DAMN HAT, I’LL ASK YOU FOR MY DAMN HAT, AND THEN I’LL SCOLD YOU FOR NOT KNOWING I NEEDED MY DAMN HAT IN THE FIRST PLACE. K? K”
Around, 12k, after running over a big bridge, during which I was in danger of being blown over it (and thought “shit my phone will break and I didn’t get it insured” as opposed to “shit, I’ll die if I was blown into that lake”…PRIORITIES PEOPLE), I stopped, for about 15 seconds, light headed and wet, my legs turned to jelly, walking was worse than running. Sod it, I walk home, it’ll take me longer, might as well keep running. My subsequent running kinda went like this:
14k done in 108 minutes. 14K! Shouldn’t I be delieghted? Shouldn’t I be amazed, proud and over joyed at that achievement? No, because this is what the run was like… (click on the picture if the gif doesn’t work…it’s worth it!)
All I could think of was, “15k next week…oh my giddy aunt”
It’s only today when I can get that sense of achievement. And sure 15k next week is only another 7 minutes of running, scrap that…8 minutes. And, I am not dying of aches and pains today. Hmmmm, not bad. Also, I’ve ran a total of 36k this week! Better than my total of 17k last week 🙂
Tomorrow marks the day of week 6. Halfway there, oh shit. And one thing I’ve learnt through this is, ‘if I end up on the buggy bus…meh’
On Saturday, I also upped my calorie intake, I’m was sticking to 1200cals a day, I’ve done this for over a year (save a few cheats along the way), I’ve not lost weight in a good few months so screw that. I aint having my body think 1200cals is ok forever. I’m up to 1800-2000 per day, and my shopping looked like this yesterday…
Aiming to be VERY healthy in what I eat. (bar the pick n mix I had when I saw Despicable Me 2 last night…which incidentally…IS AMAZING)
Happy running people. I’m going to sit on my arse all day and have a roast dinner!