The Ulimate Runner’s Guide [Infographic]

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The Ultimate Runners Guide

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Ok, maybe I can run on the treadmill…a little

Went to the gym yesterday, aim 5K.
Stuck to the four song rule (no looking at the distance or time display until 4 songs had played in their entirety) and this happened:

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Don’t get me wrong, after the four songs had played, I paused the run for no more than 15 seconds, I thought I’d melted my weight away in sweat but alas, the scale this morning said “no” and it hurt far more than running on the road, but it was done. And, a lot less painfully than Tuesdays’ run.
Was planning to go swimming tonight, but I’m far to concerned about my hair. Another 5K, some cross training and a beloved rest day tomorrow.
This Irish summer needs to go now, it’s still too damn hot to run outside, and after 2 runs, I’m sick of the damn treadmill

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I can not run on a treadmill.

So, again, I was misbehaved last week. Drinking in the sunshine! Two 8ks and that was it.
This week I need to get back on it. Next week, I’m going away on me holidays (Edinburgh and family visiting), there’ll be lots of drink…and very little training, 4 weeks to go till the half marathon 😦

It’s a glorious summer here at the minute. Temps in 70s. To put it mildly IT’S TOO FUCKING HOT TO RUN IN
So, we decided, it’s Gym time, 10k on the treadmill. Although cooler than outside it was still sweltering heat. After 5 long minutes, the clothes were stuck to me and I was actually sweating my hair colour off!
To make things worse, the treadmills overlook the damn pool! Who thinks the ridiculous layouts through? It looked soooooooooo cool in there, and I desperately needed to do this:

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I was sooooo slow, I am always slower on the treadmill. How does that work, ain’t it supposed to be easier, constant speed, constant flats? Nope. Bloody well hard, and all I had in my head was:
“we’re on a road to nowhere…”

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So, in between dying, melting, slowing to a walk and jumping off the damn thing altogether, I decided on the 4 song rule

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1) Cover the treadmill display
2) Don’t look at it until 4 songs have played
3) No changing the songs (even if epic musical pieces from ‘The Lord of the Rings’ soundtrack come on).
This worked well, and it was a shame I only thought of it when I was 6k in.
Towards the end, I thought fuck this, just stop, you’re slow, you’re dying, and there’s no point
Then the boss rescued me…

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just keep running, just keeping running, running, running, running
(Or indeed, slow jogging)
10k, eventually completed in 79mins…errrrr 10mins slower than my last one! Whoopsie. But feck it, I did it, I have always been slower on the treadmill, always will be, and it was too damn hot to run

Come this half marathon me thinks “I’m fucked”

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Bad, bad BAD runner

So, Friday…I drank a lot of beer…
Saturday…I drank some more beer…
Sunday…I went to a hillbilly tractor run and…drank more beer
Monday…I died a little inside.

I am a bad bad runner. But, never mind, either wallow in self pity, moan and complain or get back on it.

8k completed tonight, no difference in timing, a week off doesn’t make it impossible to get back on the road. 5 weeks to go! I’ll get there, slowly, but I will, and you know what?…

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Broken Records. Half Marathon Training: Week 6, Day 1

My training plan states I only need to run for 30mins today, but after running 2 5ks last Monday, I’m thinking

“sod it, might as well just do a 10k”.

So 10k I did.

It was pretty un-eventful, I read a post on breathing a few weeks ago. You know, where you breathe in for 2 strides and out for 2?
Thought, I’d give it a go!
Nope, not doing that again. Nearly fell over my feet. Damn that’s hard. I was like Bambi on ice!
Thinking about it though, yes it may help with pacing but, I figure:

The human body has worked hard to perfect it’s evolution, if mine ain’t learnt how to breathe when it needs to, I’m pretty much screwed anyway!

My body and my breathing will sort itself out.

No sun, no rain, nice breeze…perfect for a run, and…

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Yup, this is 1min 4secs slower than my first 10k race last September! My quickest ever doing it at home, and 5 mins off my last 10k race!

BOOM

All I could think throughout the run was:

“at least it’s not 14k and at least it ain’t Saturday yet…that 15k is going to hurt”.

I don’t know exactly why my time improved. I wasn’t aiming for it. Had the notifications on the Nike + app turned off until the end. I’m thinking it may be a result of the long runs each week and also my change in diet.
I’ve upped my calorie intake on the advice of this girls awesome fitness and health blog, it’s a great blog about her weight loss and health finding journey. This girl’s lost nearly 150lbs! So she knows what she’s talking about!
I am eating really healthy stuff, and preparing everything from scratch. I can only think that I’m giving my body the fuel it needs to:

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So, I guess, I’ll just keep running, just keep running, running, running, running

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The Monotony of Training and the Dreaded Long Run. Half Marathon Training: Week 5.

Thursday

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So, Thursday brought another 13.5 hours of trying to help people with Anorexia eat. Over the last few weeks, I’ve been developing a ‘toolkit’ for patients, a workbook containing: guidelines, relaxation techniques, distraction techniques and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy methods to aid patients in their recover. It entailed a lot of work…at a computer. I am a nurse therapist, I am meant to talk to people, working at a computer isn’t what I signed up for (she types…at a computer). Anyway, Thursday was my Friday and this usually brings with it intense Joy and Excitement. However, I was bored, fed up and feeling ‘meh’. I felt exactly the same about the run. I didn’t even have the usual “I really don’t want to do this” thoughts. I was just resigned to the fact, that I was doing it. I was feeling “meh” about it all. It’s occurred to me that training has brought about not even feelings of despair, desperation, excitement or anxiety anymore, but hardly any feelings at all. Off we went on our 5k run. It was meant to be a pace run, same route…as ever. Round and round we go. Run. Run. Run. Run. Same surroundings, same route, same swans who have yet to have baby swans and I’m thinking they must be a same sex couple because it’s been fucking ages!

5k done. I had no thoughts of “yay, I feel so much better for doing that” or “whoo hoo remember when I couldn’t run for 5 minutes”. I was just like “just ran 5k, meh”
It appears, that on some occasions, negative thoughts can help you see and feel the positive in a situation!                                                    

So, I need to dread the runs in order to feel good about them! Yay. Didn’t need to focus so hard on that come Saturday…

Saturday’s Run – The Long Run – 14k

Ohhhh, shit, 14k. And not just any 14K, 14k in this kinda shit:

side tumducks in the wind

Yup, not only was it RAINING FUCKING SIDEWAYS, and blowing a gale, it was damn hot! So, I couldn’t wear my hat…head too hot. Couldn’t wear my coat, too damn hot! And the running belt…?

Filled with power aid to power me through the run, however, the damn thing kept moving so that the tops of the bottles kept hitting my elbow, now, many of you may not have experienced this, but trust me, this is quite possibly the most irritating thing to ever happen to anyone ever. So I kept pushing it down but, due to my extensive derrière, the damn think kept bouncing up! So, that was the second most annoying thing to ever happen to anyone ever!  

We were also doing the route from our first ever 10k race from last September, very scenic  it is. When we did the race the course description said it was “relatively flat”, this was a lie. So much so, that at the top of ‘the hill’ they had a kid in a kings costume, holding a sign saying “king of hill”, sat there, grinning his evil ass grin. Could I run up that hill? No, no I couldn’t. But here I was now, half way through training for a half marathon, and here was that hill again, could I run up it now?

No, no I couldn’t. Stoopid ass hill, had to walk it, this was my first walk of the run! Kept on going though, through rain and wind and heat and pain. Pain in my thighs, knees, then I needed the toilet, then I was cold, then I was too hot, then I was tired, then I wanted to die. Husband kept on speaking to me and asking me questions…

“I AM TRYING TO FUCKING RUN! SHUT UP! IF I WANT MY DAMN HAT, I’LL ASK YOU FOR MY DAMN HAT, AND THEN I’LL SCOLD YOU FOR NOT KNOWING I NEEDED MY DAMN HAT IN THE FIRST PLACE. K? K”

Around, 12k, after running over a big bridge, during which I was in danger of being blown over it (and thought “shit my phone will break and I didn’t get it insured” as opposed to “shit, I’ll die if I was blown into that lake”…PRIORITIES PEOPLE), I stopped, for about 15 seconds, light headed and wet, my legs turned to jelly, walking was worse than running. Sod it, I walk home, it’ll take me longer, might as well keep running. My subsequent running kinda went like this:

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14k done in 108 minutes. 14K! Shouldn’t I be delieghted? Shouldn’t I be amazed, proud and over joyed at that achievement? No, because this is what the run was like… (click on the picture if the gif doesn’t work…it’s worth it!)

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All I could think of was, “15k next week…oh my giddy aunt”

It’s only today when I can get that sense of achievement. And sure 15k next week is only another 7 minutes of running, scrap that…8 minutes. And, I am not dying of aches and pains today. Hmmmm, not bad. Also, I’ve ran a total of 36k this week! Better than my total of 17k last week 🙂

Tomorrow marks the day of week 6. Halfway there, oh shit. And one thing I’ve learnt through this is, ‘if I end up on the buggy bus…meh’

On Saturday, I also upped my calorie intake, I’m was sticking to 1200cals a day, I’ve done this for over a year (save a few cheats along the way), I’ve not lost weight in a good few months so screw that. I aint having my body think 1200cals is ok forever. I’m up to 1800-2000 per day, and my shopping looked like this yesterday…

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Aiming to be VERY healthy in what I eat. (bar the pick n mix I had when I saw Despicable Me 2 last night…which incidentally…IS AMAZING)

Happy running people. I’m going to sit on my arse all day and have a roast dinner!

minion tumP.S. I like gifs…DON’T JUDGE ME!

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Training Failures: Half Marathon Training, Week 5.

So, you know when I said I was going to run last Friday and then Saturday BEFORE the Bon Jovi gig? Yeah that never happened. I think I can safely say, last week’s half marathon training was a disaster. I had all the good intentions in the world, but Bon Jovi, beer, evil Doc Martin boots and the hangover from hell happened.

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Other than a lot of walking and raising my hand to my mouth whilst holding a pint, I did no exercise. I was looking back at my first blog when I started this journey and there I was saying I wasn’t going to drink as I wanted to take my training seriously! Whoopsie.

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Now, I could be disappointed and disheartened and angry and frustrated with myself. Blah blah blah. Life happens, I do want to train hard, and I do want to finish this half marathon but I don’t think my life should stop because of it. Yes I had four days off training, yes I got completely rat arsed drunk and nearly died the day after but I was at a Bon Jovi gig, I got free tickets, I know about 6 of his songs, I was that far away from the stage all I could see was his teeth! I NEEDED THAT DAMN BEER, and the two cocktails, 2 beers and glass of red wine before we arrived at the venue. Cue picture of my waterproof jacket minding my beer in the rain. PRIORITIES PEOPLE!

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So, the gig (with it’s terrible muffled sound) was a great day. I needed it after a long and hard week at work and I desperately needed a distraction after seeing ‘Man of Steel’ on Friday and realising that even though he is the most aesthetically perfect human specimen of a man, I can never marry Henry Cavill because his Superman was a bit shit. Sad times.

So, I have dusted meself off, put my evil Doc Martin boots away (they never hurt at all when I got married in em) and put the brooks back on this evening.

I was anxious, because ya know, after 4 days off running I was surely back to square one, there was no way I was going to be able to do it. Well, not only did I do the 7k as planned, I was only talking away to the husband along the route! Yup, me, talking and running. Our fascinating conversation went along the lines of humming the theme tune to “Quantum Leap” and a discussion about ‘Killer Corn” which he said was from Alabama, had legs, a passport and all the relvant documentation to travel the world and kill us. I maintained the American authorities would stop the corn from travelling in order to “contain the threat” but he was adamant that they wouldn’t.

“There’s always something new with corn”

Dafuq am I writing? Wait, did I just type “Dafuq?” Mother Hubard!

Goals for the week shall be thus (and I will do them…unless I get more free concert tickets, then I’m gonna get drunk and go to a concert)

Monday – 7k (done)

Tuesday – 10k

Wednesday – Rest

Thursday – 5k

Friday – Rest

Saturday – 14k (Oh my motherhubardinggod)

Sunday – Swim

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